The Truth Behind Tinder

 
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Tinder - the online platform for... what exactly? Dating - supposedly - but with over 50% of people asked saying that ‘a casual thing’ is more likely to be on the cards, there is some rather entertaining and, may I say, not so convincing opening liners to contend with.

More than anything, (as I’m still resolutely single)Tinder has brought me a variety of entertainment; you literally NEVER know what to expect. For those of you that haven’t swiped away at this social sensation, here’s a few things that I have noticed. Now, this can work both ways, girls can be as bad as guys and vise-versa, but I can only speak from my own - rather harrowing - experience.

Plan your bio  

If this does get read (which let’s face it, in this day and age is near enough a miracle) then you want it to be a strong representation of yourself right? Open and honest? Wrong. 

Do not mention your love of dogs, you’ll get asked if you like doggy. Do not mention any ball sports, unless you like shit innuendos about holding balls and definitely do not put your snapchat handle -unless 🍆 pics are your thing.  

Be mentally prepared 

Be prepared to come across your cousin/brother/uncle and their dog. Awkward. Do you skip past them? Like them as banter? Neither - close that app, that’s enough internet for today.

The Meet-Up

So you’ve found someone who seems reasonably ‘safe’ to meet up with. The conversation hasn’t ended at ‘yeah my weekend was good thanks’ and they’ve managed to keep your attention with more than their abs/pout/dog. Now what? 

This is the dreaded part where one must actually leave the sofa, cast aside their comfy pyjamas and meet at the suggested restaurant/bar/wherever else people meet these days. Confidence is key at this point... not too much, not too little, right?

You approach the table praying you haven’t been catfished. Spotted: the guy at the table on the right looks familiar, that’s him. You smile, realise your smiling too much, don’t want to look to keen, stop smiling, realise your scowling and just end up looking confused. Que awkward hug/handshake situation. 

Now, what happens from this point varies dramatically... here’s a few snippets of my ‘friends’ tinder experiences:

Turns up, okay he seems normal, proceeds to ask what my favourite fetish is after telling me he slept with the last girl he met up with, promptly leave.

Got train, walked for ages, met him, he told me how he would tell someone straight-up if he wasn’t interested -to their face, on the first date - whilst I sat there and thought about the awkward text I was going to send when I got home. 

Turned up, apparently a millionaire, had dinner. Had wine, too much wine. I went home (alone!). Apparently into BDSM. 

In conclusion? It can go a multitude of ways. Always be safe, let someone know where you are going (you can share your location on apps with friends) and make sure you check out the person via various channels first. Because let’s face it, there are some rather interesting characters.